Using I Messages Is A Part Of Advocacy

Using "I Messages" as a Powerful Tool in Advocacy

Advocacy, at its core, is about effectively communicating your needs and perspectives to bring about positive change. Whether you're advocating for a social cause, negotiating a workplace issue, or resolving a personal conflict, the ability to articulate your position clearly and empathetically is crucial. While passionate conviction is vital, raw emotion alone often hinders effective communication. This is where the power of "I messages" comes into play. Mastering the art of using "I messages" is a fundamental skill for any effective advocate, transforming passionate pleas into persuasive arguments and fostering collaboration instead of confrontation.

What are "I Messages"?

"I messages" are a communication technique that focuses on expressing your own feelings, needs, and perspectives without blaming or accusing others. They contrast sharply with "you messages," which often lead to defensiveness and escalate conflict. Instead of saying, "You always make me feel frustrated," an "I message" might be, "I feel frustrated when…" This subtle shift in language creates a significant difference in the recipient's response.

The structure of a well-crafted "I message" typically includes three key elements:

• The feeling: Begin by stating your emotion clearly and concisely. Use strong feeling words such as frustrated, angry, sad, hurt, disappointed, concerned, etc. Avoid vague terms like "bad" or "upset." Be specific!

• The behavior: Describe the specific behavior that triggered your feelings. Focus on observable actions, not interpretations or judgments. For example, instead of saying "You're so inconsiderate," say, "When you leave your dishes in the sink..."

• The impact: Explain how the behavior impacted you. This connects your feelings to the specific action, making it clear why you're feeling the way you are. For example, "…I feel stressed because I have to clean up after you."

Example:

Instead of: "You're always late, it's so disrespectful!" (You message – accusatory)

Try: "I feel anxious and disrespected when you're late to our meetings because it makes me feel like my time isn't valued." (I message – focused on feelings and impact)

The Power of "I Messages" in Advocacy

The benefits of employing "I messages" in advocacy are multifaceted:

• Reduced defensiveness: By focusing on your own experience rather than criticizing others, you create a more receptive environment for your message. People are less likely to become defensive when they aren't being attacked.

• Improved communication: Clearly articulating your feelings and their cause fosters better understanding and mutual respect. This allows for more productive dialogue and collaborative problem-solving.

• Increased empathy and connection: When you express yourself honestly and vulnerably, you build trust and rapport with the people you're trying to persuade. This human connection is crucial for effective advocacy.

• Greater persuasiveness: Framing your arguments around your own experiences makes them more relatable and compelling. People are more likely to be moved by personal stories than abstract statistics.

• Stronger relationships: "I messages" build stronger relationships by fostering open communication and mutual respect. Strong relationships are the foundation of successful advocacy.

Applying "I Messages" in Different Advocacy Contexts

The principles of "I messages" remain consistent across different contexts, but the specific application varies depending on the situation. Here are some examples:

1. Advocating for Social Change:

Imagine you're advocating for improved public transportation in your community. Instead of saying, "The city council is incompetent for neglecting our public transport system," try: "I feel frustrated and unsafe using the current public transport system because the infrequent and unreliable service makes it difficult for me to get to work and attend important appointments. This impacts my ability to contribute to the community and support my family." This personal approach humanizes the issue, making it more relatable and garnering more support.

2. Workplace Advocacy:

If you're advocating for a raise or promotion, avoid accusatory statements like, "You're underpaying me for my work." Instead, use an "I message": "I feel undervalued because my contributions haven't been adequately recognized in my current salary. I'm confident that my skills and achievements warrant a raise, and I'd like to discuss this further." This approach presents your request professionally and focuses on the impact of the situation on you.

3. Personal Advocacy:

In personal relationships, "I messages" can prevent arguments from escalating. For example, instead of saying, "You never listen to me!" Try: "I feel unheard and frustrated when I express my concerns, and it makes me feel like my feelings aren't valued." This honest, non-accusatory approach encourages more productive dialogue.

4. Advocacy in Online Forums and Social Media:

When participating in online advocacy, the impact of "I messages" is amplified by their ability to remain respectful while effectively conveying a point. Avoid aggressive or inflammatory language. Instead, focus on sharing your personal experiences and how a specific issue directly affects you. For example: "I am writing to express my concern about the recent policy changes. I feel deeply impacted by the new regulations because they significantly limit my access to…" This approach not only conveys your concerns effectively but also establishes you as a credible and relatable voice in the discussion.

Overcoming Challenges in Using "I Messages"

While "I messages" are incredibly powerful, employing them effectively isn't always easy. Some common challenges include:

• Difficulty identifying and expressing feelings: Many people struggle to articulate their feelings accurately. Practice identifying and naming your emotions. Keep a journal to track your feelings and their triggers.

• Fear of vulnerability: Expressing vulnerability can feel risky, but it's essential for building trust and connection. Remember that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness.

• Resistance from others: Not everyone is receptive to "I messages," particularly those accustomed to confrontational communication styles. Be patient, persistent, and maintain your calm.

Beyond the "I Message": Combining Empathy and Assertiveness

While mastering "I messages" is a crucial step, effective advocacy also involves empathy and assertiveness. Empathy allows you to understand the other person's perspective, even if you don't agree with it. Assertiveness ensures that you clearly and respectfully communicate your needs and boundaries.

Combining these elements involves actively listening to others, acknowledging their feelings, and then expressing your own needs clearly and confidently. It's a delicate balance that takes practice but is vital for building bridges and achieving meaningful change.

Example:

"I understand that implementing this new policy presents challenges for your department, and I appreciate your concerns about the potential workload increase. However, I still feel strongly that this policy is necessary to address the issue of [problem]. I'd like to work collaboratively with you to find a solution that mitigates the workload while still achieving the policy's goals."

This response demonstrates empathy by acknowledging the other party's concerns before assertively stating your own position and proposing a collaborative solution.

Conclusion: I Messages as a Foundation for Powerful Advocacy

Mastering the art of using "I messages" is a fundamental skill for any effective advocate. It's a technique that empowers you to communicate your needs and perspectives clearly and respectfully, fostering understanding, collaboration, and ultimately, positive change. While it requires practice and self-awareness, the rewards – stronger relationships, more effective communication, and increased success in your advocacy efforts – make the effort well worth it. By consistently employing "I messages" in your advocacy work, you are laying a strong foundation for achieving your goals and making a lasting impact on the world around you. Remember that consistent application and self-reflection are key to mastering this technique and reaping its numerous benefits. Embrace the power of "I messages" and transform your advocacy efforts.