Which Sentence Should Be Revised To Reduce Wordiness

Which Sentence Should Be Revised to Reduce Wordiness? A Comprehensive Guide

Wordiness, the use of more words than necessary to convey a message, is a common writing flaw. It obscures your meaning, making your writing harder to read and understand. This comprehensive guide will equip you with the skills to identify and revise wordy sentences, significantly improving the clarity and impact of your writing. We'll explore various techniques, provide examples, and offer practical exercises to help you master the art of concise writing.

Understanding Wordiness: Why Less is More

Before diving into specific revision techniques, it's crucial to understand why wordiness is problematic. Wordy sentences:

• Reduce Clarity: Excessive words create confusion and make it difficult for the reader to grasp the main point.
• Slow Down Reading Pace: Readers become frustrated when wading through unnecessary verbiage.
• Weaken Impact: A concise message is far more memorable and persuasive than a rambling one.
• Damage Credibility: Wordiness suggests a lack of precision and control over your writing.

Think of it like this: your writing is a vehicle carrying your message to the reader. Wordiness is like adding unnecessary weight to the vehicle, slowing it down and making it less efficient. The goal is to streamline your writing, making it a smooth and engaging journey for your audience.

Common Culprits of Wordiness

Several stylistic choices contribute to wordiness. Let's examine the most prevalent offenders:

1. Redundancy: Saying the Same Thing Twice

Redundancy involves repeating the same idea using different words. This is often unintentional, stemming from a lack of precise vocabulary or a tendency to over-explain.

Examples:

• Wordy: "The small, little dog barked loudly." (Small and little are redundant.)
• Revised: "The small dog barked loudly."
• Wordy: "Completely and utterly destroyed." (Completely and utterly overlap in meaning.)
• Revised: "Completely destroyed."
• Wordy: "Past history has shown..." (History is inherently past.)
• Revised: "History has shown..."

2. Unnecessary Modifiers and Adjectives: Over-Describing

While descriptive language is valuable, excessive adjectives and adverbs can clutter your writing. Choose the most impactful words and eliminate those that don't add significant meaning.

Examples:

• Wordy: "The incredibly beautiful, breathtaking sunset painted the sky with vibrant, vivid colors."
• Revised: "The beautiful sunset painted the sky with vibrant colors."
• Wordy: "He ran very quickly to the store."
• Revised: "He ran quickly to the store." (Or even: "He ran to the store.")

3. Weak Verbs and Nominalizations: Turning Verbs into Nouns

Nominalizations are verbs turned into nouns (e.g., "consideration" instead of "consider"). They often lead to weak, passive sentences. Strong verbs bring your writing to life.

Examples:

• Wordy: "The team made a decision to implement the new strategy."
• Revised: "The team decided to implement the new strategy."
• Wordy: "There was a consideration of the financial implications."
• Revised: "They considered the financial implications."

4. Circumlocution: Talking Around the Point

Circumlocution involves using many words where fewer would suffice. It often stems from a lack of clarity about what you want to say.

Examples:

• Wordy: "In the event that it rains, we will postpone the picnic."
• Revised: "If it rains, we'll postpone the picnic."
• Wordy: "Due to the fact that it was late, we decided to go home."
• Revised: "Because it was late, we went home."

5. Clichés and Jargon: Overused Phrases and Technical Terms

Clichés are overused expressions that lack originality, while jargon can exclude readers unfamiliar with the specific terminology. Strive for fresh, precise language.

Examples:

• Wordy: "At the end of the day, we need to think outside the box." (Cliché)
• Revised: "Ultimately, we need innovative solutions."
• Wordy: "The paradigm shift necessitates a proactive approach." (Jargon)
• Revised: "The change requires a proactive approach."

Techniques for Reducing Wordiness

Now that we've identified common culprits, let's explore effective techniques for revising wordy sentences:

1. Cut Unnecessary Words: The "Less is More" Approach

This is the most fundamental technique. Read each sentence carefully and ask yourself: Can any words be removed without changing the meaning? Often, you'll find many unnecessary words that can be easily deleted.

2. Replace Wordy Phrases with Concise Alternatives: Substitute Stronger Words

Many phrases can be replaced with single, stronger words. For example, instead of "a large number of," use "many."

3. Use Strong Verbs: Replace Weak Verbs and Nominalizations

Identify weak verbs and nominalizations and replace them with strong, active verbs. This will make your writing more dynamic and impactful.

4. Eliminate Redundancies: Avoid Repeating Information

Carefully review your sentences for redundant words or phrases. Eliminate any repetitions to ensure conciseness.

5. Combine Short Sentences: Improve Flow and Rhythm

Sometimes, several short sentences can be combined into one longer, more flowing sentence. This improves the overall rhythm and readability of your text.

6. Revise Passive Voice to Active Voice: Increase Clarity

Passive voice often leads to wordiness. Convert passive sentences to active voice for greater clarity and conciseness.

Practical Exercises: Refining Your Skills

Let's put these techniques into practice with some exercises:

Exercise 1: Identify and revise the wordy sentences:

1. The reason why the meeting was canceled was because of the inclement weather conditions.
2. Due to the fact that it was a very hot day, we decided to stay inside.
3. In my opinion, I think that the new policy is a good idea.
4. He gave a presentation that was very informative and educational to the audience.
5. The committee made a decision to approve the budget.

Exercise 2: Rewrite the following paragraphs to reduce wordiness:

"In today's modern world, technology is advancing at a rapid pace. There are many new inventions and innovations that are occurring on a daily basis. This rapid advancement of technology is having a significant impact on our lives in various ways. Many people believe that these technological advances are beneficial and positive, but there are also some concerns and anxieties about the potential negative effects of technology."

Exercise 3: Create your own wordy sentences and then revise them.

By completing these exercises, you'll significantly improve your ability to identify and eliminate wordiness in your writing.

Conclusion: The Power of Concise Writing

Mastering the art of concise writing is a valuable skill for any writer. By eliminating wordiness, you enhance the clarity, impact, and readability of your work. Remember, less is often more. The key is to focus on conveying your message with precision and efficiency, ensuring your writing is both clear and engaging for your readers. Regular practice and mindful editing will transform you into a more concise and effective writer. Embrace the power of concise language—it's a powerful tool that can dramatically improve your writing.